Fade
by MyLan Graz
Summary: Michelle, pregnant? Post season 4, one shot...


Title: **Fade**

Author: My Lan Graz.

Rating: T for language and innuendo

Summary: Michelle, pregnant? Post-season 4, one shot.

Spoilers: All seasons

Disclaimer: I do not own 24 or anything linked to it.

A/N: This turned out to be a "tiny" bit longer than I thought. Anyway, hope you enjoy :-)

* * *

_Fade_

_Remember me? I was the one you loved_

_The girl with short hair and long sleeves_

_Who always spoke but never smoked_

_You were everything to me._

_And I was everything to you._

_Just when I thought my heart was full_

_You smiled again and I loved you more._

_And then you died. The cocky smile,_

_The cool walk, the gentle laugh were all gone._

_And when you died, so did I._

_Remember me? I remember you.

* * *

_

**Prologue: Fallen**

Michelle Dessler's destiny relied on the papers in front of her. One signature and it would all be over. Still, it wasn't just her decision. She could not just… "flush" it all away without telling him. But, right now, it seemed like the only choice to make. She knew that, even though he would never tell her what to do, he hated the situation as much as she did, if not more. In the end, it was up to her. And this was the only thing she could do.

* * *

**Existence**

The baby was unexpected. Just like the separation, the divorce and the encounter at CTU that day had been unexpected. Sure, they had often talked about having their own little family. But talking and doing was not the same thing.

At first, like every couple of newlyweds (though this was their second marriage to each other), they had problems. A lot of problems, actually. There were fights, reconciliations, cries, screams, insults, smiles but most of all there was LOVE. And that was what resolved all their problems.

Now seven months into their new marriage, Michelle could hardly recall the last fight they had had. It had been bad, though. It had ended with Tony slamming the door and disappearing for a few days. Michelle had thought she would die if he didn't come back soon. Three days later, he had appeared at the doorstep, looking like an abandoned puppy.

"I'm sorry," he had said after five minutes of silence.

She had kissed him softly and whispered, "Don't be."

It was probably that night that she had gotten pregnant. The two of them had never been particularly careful when they were together. And, if you did the math, it matched. She had been ovulating, it had been three months ago and the night had not exactly finished when Tony had come back inside the house. It actually had finished around the early hours of the morning.

Michelle cried when the test showed positive. Tony had to bite his lip to prevent from grinning. The truth was, he was eager to have a family and, as much as he would deny it, he was afraid that Michelle would leave him again. Maybe a baby would stabilize them (not that they needed much stabilizing the way things were going these days). What came first for him though was Michelle. He hugged her and kissed her and told her that it would be okay and that if she didn't want a baby, fine, he didn't want it either and they could always get rid of it and…

That just made her cry harder. "You don't want it, do you? Oh god, a baby… What am I going to do?"

Anyone who would have heard these words would assume that Michelle didn't want the baby at all and would book an appointment at the doctor's as soon as possible to get an abortion. But this was _Michelle_ and _Tony_. He knew there was more to her reply than she cared to show. He buried her head in his chest and kissed her head. "We could always keep it…"

Michelle grumbled. "Yeah, but you don't want it…"

"Says who?"

"You said before… I mean… you… you said that we would get rid of it… and…"

"And…"

It occurred to her that maybe Tony wanted this baby. "You… you want it?"

"I want what you want."

"No, I want to know what you really want." The constant attention was nice sometimes but Michelle was getting annoyed with Tony always going along with her.

"Honestly?"

"Yes, honestly."

"Honestly, I want a family. I wasn't really ready for this but I think we'll make great parents. But if you aren't happy with a baby, then I don't want him. I couldn't really live happily knowing you aren't happy. Honestly."

Michelle smiled. "Okay."

"Now, let's go to bed. We'll talk about this tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

But, in bed, sleep did not come easily for either of them. At around two in the morning, Michelle decided to get up and maybe eat something. Surprisingly, she found the space in bed next to her empty.

When she arrived in the kitchen, she found Tony drinking coffee. When he saw her, he put down his mug. "Couldn't sleep."

"Me neither." Pushing his coffee mug to the side, she sat down on the counter in front of him.

"You okay?" asked Tony.

"Yeah. I mean, I'm just getting used to the idea, you know…"

"Yeah…"

"I want this. But I'm not sure if I'm ready."

"Neither do I. But I know that we're going to be happy."

_We're going to be happy._ The three (or maybe four) of them would be happy.

* * *

**Walking along**

Between work, doctor appointments and a progressing pregnancy, Tony and Michelle had a lot on their agenda. Long gone were the late outings to the cinema or at a nice restaurant. They ate early, went to bed early, woke up early. Many of their colleagues thought they were taking parenthood too seriously. But, really, they were doing this against their will. After a long day of work and numerous mood swings, they were too exhausted to do anything else.

The good part, though, was that they were both getting used to the idea of a baby. Michelle had even suggested thinking of names a bit.

"Don't you think it's a little early?" had said Tony, skeptical. "We don't even know if it's a boy or a girl yet."

"It's a boy, I know it. And it's never too early. If we don't do this now, we'll forget and our baby could end up with a name like Petunia."

"How did you come up with that? Petunia is a girl's name."

"You get the point."

"Okay, fine. Let's have it your way. A little boy, eh? How about Tony Junior?"

"Hmm… That's cute. Tony Junior Almeida."

"Uh, it's Tony Almeida Junior. And I was kidding."

"But I'm serious! It would be nice, no?"

"Er, not really."

"Alright. How about Nathan?"

Tony had rolled his eyes. "Fine."

"Okay then. How about William?"

"Fine."

"Or Jonathan?"

"Fine."

"Tony! Are you listening to me?"

"Fine."

She had hit him and he had tackled her and the conversation had ended in a tickling match. They had both laughed it off but Michelle couldn't help thinking that something could go wrong. Anything could go wrong.

* * *

**Monday morning blues**

They would always think of the call. After all, it was after the call that everything started going downhill.

One morning, around three months into the pregnancy, at about six AM, the hospital had called. Michelle wanted to get up and answer the phone but Tony had pulled her back into bed, mumbling something about 'Who the hell calls at six AM?', and she had given in to him.

The call had carried onto the answering machine but they both ignored it, Tony too busy biting Michelle's ear and Michelle just laughing.

"_Hello, you've reached Tony and Michelle!_"

"Stop it Tony!"

"_We are unavailable at the moment! Please…_"

"Nah. I'm having too much fun."

"_…leave a message and we'll call you…_"

"STOP IT!"

"_…as soon as we can. Thank you!_"

"STOP IT OR I'M GOING TO COOK FOR YOU AND POISON YOU AND BURN DOWN THE HOUSE!"

"_Mr. and Mrs. Almeida? This is Sherry Lachance from the LA Westshore Hospital._"

When Michelle heard the word 'hospital', her maternal instincts kicked in and she rolled off the bed trying to reach the phone.

"OUCH!"

"_Dr. Martin has requested an appointment. I believe…_"

"Michelle! Are you okay?"

"_…it has something to do with your baby but I do not have any…_"

"Uh yeah," said Michelle, picking up the phone. "Hello?"

"Mrs. Almeida?"

"Yes."

"This is Sherry Lachance from the…"

"LA Westshore Hospital, I know. What's going on with my baby?"

"I'm not quite sure. I'll let you straighten that out with Dr. Martin."

"Uh okay. When is the appointment?" By that time, Tony had crawled out of bed and had snaked his arm around her. When he had tried to kiss her cheek, she had pushed him away, giving him a stern look.

"She was thinking tomorrow, around noon."

"Tomorrow? Tomorrow's a Tuesday! We work!"

"She said she wanted to see you as soon as possible."

A knot formed itself in Michelle's stomach. "What's going on?"

"I have no idea. If you want, I can try and schedule it later."

"No, it's alright. I'll take the day off."

"Dr. Martin requested that both of you be present at the appointment."

"Both of us?" Michelle threw a look at Tony, who shrugged. "Okay. Anything else?"

"No, that'll be all." Then, she added, "Mrs. Almeida?"

"Yes?"

"I hope your baby is going to be alright."

Michelle smiled weakly. "Thank you."

"Of course."

Michelle did not hang up the phone right away. She was afraid that if she put the receiver down, maybe the house would blow up or something else bad would happen. Finally, Tony gently took it out from her hand and put it back into its place. "What happened?"

Michelle's voice was hoarse. "I don't know."

"Well, what did she say?"

"It's th-the baby. Some-ss-something's wrong with it and…" Michelle started crying. "I just don't know what's going on. I'm tired and I don't feel good and I'm worried and…"

"And you're crazy. I'm sure nothing's wrong. Hey… Michelle, look at me."

Michelle, instead, sobbed on his shoulder. "I hate this, Tony! I hate this whole thing! And, now something is happening with the baby."

"NOTHING is happening with the baby, okay?"

"Then why did she call at six AM? You said it yourself: No one calls at six in the morning. And why did she say Dr. Martin wanted to see us as soon as possible?"

Tony was at a loss for words. "I don't know… Complications?"

"Yes, that's it. Complications. And you know what happens after complications? Do you? No, huh? That's what I thought. Well, let me tell you. The baby DIES. He dies a painful death and the parents lose their chance at parenthood. END OF STORY!"

"Stop it, Michelle…"

"NO, YOU STOP IT! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? OUR BABY IS GOING TO DIE!"

"THE BABY IS NOT GOING TO DIE, MICHELLE!"

Michelle shut up. Tony's yelling had astonished her. Tony never yelled at her. Well, almost never. Finally, she said, "What's happening to us Tony?"

He laughed bitterly. "I don't know."

"If this is what being parents is all about, I don't want any part of it."

"I don't think this is the kid's fault. I think we have too much going on these days. Too much stress."

"Yeah, no kidding."

Tony sighed. "Okay. Enough. Let's go back to bed."

"Rick is expecting us at eight, Tony," Michelle reminded him.

"The hell with Rick."

And, before she could protest, Tony picked Michelle up and brought her back to the bedroom.

* * *

**Uphill, downhill**

The next day, things were tense for them. Rick, being a basically nice guy, had let them take the day off.

"I can do without you for one day. But you better be back tomorrow!"

Tony had snorted. "Yeah. If Michelle doesn't have an emotional breakdown."

Of course, Tony had said that as a joke. He really didn't know what was happening with the baby and, frankly, he was a bit worried. But, being a bit macho, he hid his concern by joking around and pretending everything was okay.

Michelle woke up at four o'clock. Tony had, in fact, not slept all night but pretended all the same to sleep until he heard Michelle getting up from the bed.

"You up already?" he asked.

"So are you."

An awkward silence ensued. "You're getting bigger," said Tony, finally.

Michelle scoffed. "You've just noticed now?"

"Well, no… but, you know… I… I noticed but… you know…"

_No, I don't know_, thought Michelle. _God, how awkward we've become. And it's parenthood that has done that to us._

"Doesn't matter," she said after another few minutes of silence. She strolled into the kitchen and turned on the coffee machine. "Want a cup of coffee?"

"Yeah, why not." Then he joked, "If you promise not to screw it up."

Michelle, who had been washing a mug in the sink, froze.

_Uh oh_, thought Tony. _Maybe that wasn't the right time to crack a joke._

Then, she surprised him by splashing his face with water and grinning mischievously. Tony laughed and walked to her, taking her into a hug. She spun around and started talking but he cut her off with a kiss.

"The… co… ffee… To… ny…" she said between kisses.

He stopped kissing her. "Coffee?"

"Ah screw it," she said, before kissing him again.

Somehow, they had both managed to get their mind off the doctor's appointment and by the time noon had come, they were both seated in the waiting room, joking and laughing.

"Mr. and Mrs. Almeida?"

They both jumped up. "Yes."

"Dr. Martin is ready to see you."

Michelle froze. "I'm afraid, Tony," she whispered.

He smiled and kissed the side of her head. "Don't worry…"

Inside the doctor's office was a young woman in her thirties. "Hi Tony, hi Michelle."

"Hello Tanya."

The doctor offered them some cookies. "Did you have some breakfast?"

Tony's face was serious as he nodded towards Michelle. "She was my breakfast."

"TONY!"

Tanya Martin smiled but did not say anything. Michelle took that as a cue to sit down and Tony followed her as well.

Finally, the doctor spoke. "As you remember, we did many tests to check if your baby was okay."

Michelle groaned. "How could I forget?" She particularly remembered a test involving a long and pointy needle and that had to be inserted in… _Oh god. I can't even think of it._ "Especially that long needle thingy. What was that about?"

The doctor, for an unknown reason, hesitated before saying, "Down syndrome."

"Ugh," Michelle said as she shuddered.

"So," asked Tony. "What's going on?"

The doctor sighed. "I don't know how to tell you this."

Michelle's heartbeat increased as she grabbed Tony's hand.

"One of the test results came back positive."

Tony sighed, relieved. "Okay, so he has a mild blood disease or something, right?"

"Not exactly…"

"Then, what?"

The doctor opened her mouth then closed it again. Then, she said, "We diagnosed your baby with Down syndrome. I'm sorry."

Tony and Michelle started panicking.

"WHAT?"

"Oh my god, oh my god!"

"…are you sure about this? Is this test a hundred percent sure?"

"…down syndrome? As in handicapped for life?"

"…this has to be a mistake!"

"…this is the needle-thingy test?"

"Please!" said the doctor, exasperated.

They both quieted down but nonetheless were still shocked.

"No, this test is not a hundred percent sure. This is why we have to do it again."

Michelle let out a sob. "It can't be."

"I'm sorry, but it is."

Tony looked on, hopeless. He realized that, even though Dr. Martin had probably done this a hundred times, it never got easier. It probably got harder for her every time. "I understand. Is there anything we can do?"

"For the moment, no. Once the baby has it, nothing can change it. Except maybe for a miracle."

"I don't believe in miracles. So give it to me like it is."

"I would like Michelle to come back this Friday for a second test. If it comes back negative, which is highly improbable, your baby will be safe. Then again, if the first test could come back inaccurate, so could the second one. And, if the second test comes back positive…"

"And what happens after that?"

"You have two choices. Just remember that no one will blame you for whatever decision you take. First of all, you can keep the baby. Now, let me remind you that a person affected by Down syndrome has to be taken care of at ALL TIMES. It is very dependant of its parents. Second option, you abort it…"

Michelle, who had been crying silently the whole time, spoke up. "You have to be kidding me. I'm not killing my baby."

"Michelle… It's a fetus. If we abort it now…"

"I don't give a fuck, Tony! NO ONE is touching my baby!"

"Michelle," said the doctor. "Do you know how much responsibility it takes to take care of a handicapped child? It's a lifetime of suffering for the parents and for the child…"

"How the fuck do you know? Put yourself in my place! Would you abort it?"

The doctor looked straight into Michelle's eyes. "Yes. I would."

"Bullshit. And, anyway, there's still a chance that the test could come back negative…"

"Michelle…" started Tony.

"I think I've heard enough. Dr. Martin, I'll see you this Friday for the test. Let's go Tony."

And with that, she grabbed Tony's hand and headed out, not once looking back.

* * *

**Revelations**

"Tony, do you believe in God?"

Tony and Michelle were on top of the bed looking at the ceiling. The drive home from the doctor's had been, at the very least, quite awkward and, when they entered the apartment, they took of their shoes and didn't even bother changing before collapsing on the bed.

"In what?"

"In God."

"God… Do I believe in God… Interesting question. Well, I was baptized but that's about it. No, I don't believe in God."

"But… Don't you think there's something… more?"

"More?"

"Yes, more. More than life."

"Probably. I just don't think it's an old man sitting on a cloud and waving to everyone. There is always more than just a beating heart and a breathing person. Like, for example, ever wonder how bread is made?"

Michelle giggled at that. "Uh, you know, cooking and me… Not really the best match."

"Yeah, I noticed. Why are you looking at me like that? We both know it's true! Anyway, bread is really just water and flour but it still becomes a loaf."

"Yeah, but with the chemical reactions, it rises. It has nothing to do with God. Even I know that!"

"Okay, that was a bad example. Never mind…"

"No, I want to hear what you have to say."

"Hmm… Let me think… Okay, I remember. At my eighth birthday, my mother and father were fighting. And I really mean, FIGHTING. I think they even considered divorce."

"Your parents always fight, Tony."

"That's not the point! This time, it was bad. My mom had kicked him out of the house. And, the morning of my birthday, I remember picking up the phone and speaking to my dad…"

The events, which had occurred in fact years ago, seemed like yesterday to Tony.

"_¿Sí?"_

_The voice seemed distant. "¿Antonio? It's Papá."_

_Nothing could have pleased the young boy more than a phone call from his favorite (and only) father that he had not seen for months on the morning of his birthday. "¡Papá! When are you coming back? Are you…"_

"_Shh! Do not scream. Mamá will get angry."_

_The young boy quieted down. It was true that, at times, his mother could blow her top for nothing. In fact, she had become much more impatient since she had thrown her husband out, five months ago. "Lo siento. I'm sorry. But Papá… I miss you. And Teresa cries all the time…"_

_The grown-up sighed. He knew how much his children missed him but he sadly had no choice but to stay where he was: out of their lives. "I know, Antonio, I know…"_

_Antonio did not like seeing his parents sad. He quickly changed the subject. "¿Pápa? Do you know what day it is today?"_

_His father smiled on the other side of the line. "Of course. Hoy, my little Antonio turns seven years old."_

"_Not seven¡Ocho!"_

"_¿Ocho?" The elder Almeida faked surprise. "Already? Wow! I think I should have listened to your mother and made you drink coffee when you were a baby to stunt your growth. You're growing so fast…"_

_Antonio acted modest, although he had to admit he felt proud. "It's nothing, really…"_

"_I'm sad I won't be there to see my little boy blow his candles this year…" Or maybe any year, to think of it, he thought._

"_What¿Por qué?"_

"_I'm so sorry, Antonio…"_

"_But why? Why can't you come?"_

"_The truth is, Antonio, I have made a big mistake. And I have to live with the consequences."_

_Antonio could not help being selfish, despite what his seven, I mean, eight year-old mind told him. "But why do we have to live with the consequences? Why do I have to live with them?"_

_Ouch. That hurt. "I never meant to hurt anyone, Tony."_

_That came as a surprise. Antonio's father never called his son by his pet name. Actually, he had to be the only one who never called Antonio Tony. Something about 'those damn Americanos'. "I know…" he said softly._

_How Tony knew, though, was a mystery of the nature. Antonio or Tony was the most mature person, let alone child, Alejandro Almeida had ever met. Sure, he loved all of his children equally. But Teresa was too young and innocent. And Roberto was a tough, macho, no-nonsense twelve year-old. Antonio was a reflection of his father. "I wish I could come…"_

"_Please Papá… It would mean the world to me if you came…"_

"_But your mother…"_

"_And Teresa would be so happy. Come on, Papá…"_

"_Ask your mother."_

_Antonio hesitated. "Why me? I don't know what to say…"_

"_You see? It's not a good idea."_

"_De acuerdo. You know what? I am going to ask her. I'm even going to ask her right now."_

_Alejandro did not expect that. "Antonio…"_

"_¡MAMÁ!"_

_Rebecca Almeida yelled back, "¿Que se pasa, Tony? Why are you yelling? You'll wake up Teresa!" which was ironic since she herself was yelling louder than her son._

"_Can Papá come to my birthday?"_

_His mother dropped the pan she was washing. "What?"_

"_Can Papá come to my birthday¡Por favor, Mamá!"_

_Rebecca stormed into the living room and grabbed the phone. "Tony, go to your room."_

_Tony silently nodded and crept out, only to hide in the doorway. His mother was yelling on the phone._

"_I told you not to call my children! (pause) I don't care, Alejandro! (pause) I don't believe you. Where are you, now? With that bitch Catalina?"_

_Tony could not help gasping. His mother never cursed. There was that night when his father had been kicked out of the house but he figured it was a one time thing._

_Apparently not._

"_You know what, Almeida? Come. Come to my Tony's cumpleaños. You'll see how happy we are. You'll see that we don't need you. (pause) Yeah, the same to you!"_

_On the phone, Rebecca Almeida acted very strong. But, when she hung up the phone, when she was all alone, she was weak and afraid. Tony could not stand it anymore. When he saw his mother crumble to the ground, he stepped out from the doorway and ran to her._

"_Mamá," he cried._

"_Tony," she said, surprised. "What are you doing here?" When she saw how troubled he was, she tried to smile. "Do not worry. It's your birthday. You shouldn't be worried."_

"_I-I'm not," said Tony, sniffling._

"_Good. But I want you to know something."_

"_What, Mamá?"_

"_Beware of whom you trust Tony. This is what love does to you. This is what loving the wrong person does to you."_

_Tony, at that time, did not understand those words. Later, he found out that his mother was completely right. Only he realized there were the ones who made mistakes and tried to make it up to you and there were also the ones who just took, took, took and never looked back. Those were the wrong people. People like Nina Myers, who had broken his heart. His father was not a wrong person._

_That, of course, he found out much sooner. Alejandro Almeida did come to the birthday party, despite the hostile looks Rebecca and the other mothers gave him. He even played with the kids. But, most of all, he came there to be with his own children. With fragile Teresa. With resilient Roberto. And, mostly, with smart, good-natured, birthday boy Antonio. Tony, for short._

Michelle frowned. "How does that make it a miracle?"

"Do you remember blowing candles and making a wish at your birthdays?"

"Of course!" Then, she added, blushing, "I still do."

"Really?"

"Yeah, don't laugh."

"You're the cutest person I've ever met."

"Even more than Teri?"

"Even more than Teri." Michelle should have been proud at that compliment. Teri, also known as Teresa Almeida, was Tony's little sister. Though they only had three years of difference, he always considered her as his responsibility. Teri was his sweetheart. At least, until he met Michelle.

Michelle smiled. "You're lying."

"Of course not!"

"Wait until I call her and tell her about this!"

"She isn't a bit jealous. She knows it's impossible to equal the 'great' Michelle Dessler."

"Ha, ha, ha. Very funny. Anyway, what about the candles?"

"Well, at my eighth birthday, do you know what I wished for?"

"A bicycle?"

Tony rolled his eyes. "No."

"Well, that's what Danny wished for!"

"Do I look like Danny to you?"

"No, not really. You're much hotter."

"I think it's my turn to make a phone call."

Michelle snorted. "Don't worry. He knows he's no match for the 'great' Tony Almeida."

"Funny. That line seems familiar."

"Oh, really? But, what did you wish for?"

"I wished for my parents to stop fighting."

"Aww… How cute."

"I know. After all, I am the 'great' Tony Almeida."

"Yeah, yeah. And you think it's because of that wish that they're back together?"

"Of course. Isn't it logical? Five months after my birthday, my mother decides to give my dad another chance. Coincidence? I think not."

"And they've been together since?"

"Uh-huh."

"Wow. I'm impressed. But, why did they separate in the first place?"

"Um, nothing really…" Tony stammered.

"Tony…"

"Okay fine. He cheated on her."

"What?"

"Yes. With a waitress. Catalina Sanchez."

"Oh my god. I'm sorry… That must have been hard on you."

"We were too young to know any better. Later on, I asked my dad."

"_Dad?" asked Tony._

"_Papá."_

"_What?"_

"_It's been a while since you've called me Papá."_

"_Uh Papá?"_

"_¿Si, hijo?"_

"_Do you love Mom uh I mean Mamá?"_

_Alejandro didn't even look up. "More than life."_

"_Remember that time? At my eighth birthday?"_

"_How could I forget?"_

"_What happened?"_

"_I was the world's worst bastard."_

_Tony feigned surprise. "Oh my god! Really? Please clarify."_

"_I cheated on her Tony."_

_Of all the things his father could have said, Tony never thought this would have been it. He spat out the coffee he had been drinking. "Uh what?"_

"_Yes. I slept with another woman."_

"_Wow. I… I don't know what to say."_

_Alejandro Almeida barely acknowledged his son's reply. He was in his own world. "I remember. A tall, sexy, gorgeous woman. Blond hair, blue eyes."_

"_The opposite of Mamá."_

"_Exactly." That was what had drawn him to Catalina Sanchez in the first place. A sexy, confident looking woman who all the men openly flirted with. Rebecca Marquez was completely different. She, for one, was not like the popular girl in High School. She was more like the silent, kind hearted radical who many guys were secretly attracted to but never made a move because she scared them. Scared them by being unique. By being herself. And she was not hot or sexy or drop dead gorgeous. She was beautiful, in an awkward yet sweet kind of way. She looked weak… but she was one of the strongest women he had ever met._

"_But… why?"_

"_Your mother was always lost in her own world. It was like she had a secret that she didn't want to share with me. And I didn't like that."_

"_Papá… She's an artist." Rebecca was a writer and, like most artists, she lived in her own bubble, rarely opening up to others. And, when she did, you had to make sure you would never lose her. Because, once you did, it was over._

"_I know. But I didn't understand that at the time. I thought that maybe happiness lied somewhere else for me."_

"_So you fucked another woman," said Tony, angrily._

_Alejandro did not even react at his words. "Yes. I did."_

"_I still don't understand the point."_

"_I wanted to wake her up! Take her away from her shell!"_

"_And… how did it feel after that? You felt like shit, I bet." Tony didn't know where the words were coming from but they most certainly did not come from his mind. Or maybe they did, actually._

"_As a matter of fact, no. I felt powerful. I felt sure of myself. But, when I came back home and your mother opened the door to me and hugged me while telling me about your Science project…"_

"_You still haven't forgiven yourself, have you?"_

"_No."_

"_When will you?"_

_Alejandro smiled sadly at his son. "Maybe never."_

_Some questions are better left unanswered._

Michelle was wordless. "I… God, that's terrible."

"On his death bed, he made me promise I would never hurt the woman I loved in any way. I broke my oath…"

"What? No, baby, of course not…"

"I wasn't talking about you, Michelle. I was talking about Chloe."

Michelle stared at him, confused. "Wh-what?"

"Sweetheart, I'm kidding!"

"You scared me for a moment there! Don't do that again!"

Tony smirked. "Yeah, I would _so_ dump you for Chloe. Anyway, what's up with the sudden obsession with God?"

Michelle grew silent.

"Michelle?"

"The baby," she finally blurted out. "You said that when you ask for something, if it's rational, it usually happens."

"Well, that's my hypothesis. Why?"

"Pray with me."

Now, Michelle had never been a particularly religious person. She didn't go to church. She had not been baptized or christened in any way. She didn't even believe in God. But, right now, she was ready to believe in anything or do anything just so her baby would be okay. To think that, a few months ago, she hadn't even wanted him!

Tony sighed. "Michelle…"

"Pray with me Tony. Please…"

"Fine."

But Tony did not really pray. Because, to him, the answer was clear. Their baby could not be saved by any "magic, birthday candles, bread man".

_Dear God, if you exist, please help me. Help me deal with this. Help Michelle adjust to the situation. Because we both know there's nothing we can do about the baby. Right?

* * *

_

**Questions without answers**

The second test turned out positive. As in yes. As in not negative. As in 'YEAH, BABY! I ROCK!'

Except Michelle did not rock. Michelle did not rock at all.

"What? It's impossible! No, this has to be a joke."

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Almeida, but it's the truth."

"Listen to me, Mrs. Lachance, there has to be a mistake."

"I can guarantee you that there has been NO mistake. Now, you have to decide what to do with the fetus."

"I'm keeping it! What do you think?"

"I really think you should consider abortion."

"I don't care what you think!"

Sherry Lachance sighed. Her job sure wasn't easy. "Mrs. Almeida, could I speak to your husband please?"

"Why?"

"I would like to speak to him. Please."

"Fine." Michelle wiped her red, puffy eyes and held out the phone to Tony who was silently standing next to her. "Here."

Tony took the phone and kissed Michelle's cheek. "Thanks. Yes, this is Tony Almeida."

"Please, Mr. Almeida, try to knock some common sense into your wife."

"Yes, of course." Tony smiled awkwardly at Michelle. "Uh, Michelle? Why don't you make supper or something? I'll be right back…"

Before Michelle could reply, he ran off with cordless phone, shutting the bathroom door behind him.

"Mr. Almeida?"

"Listen. My wife wants to keep the baby. What's to think about?"

"That's what she wants to believe. She thinks that if she keeps the baby, everything might turn out alright."

"I know it's a lot of work. But I love my wife more than life itself. More than this baby of ours. Yeah, it's weird but true."

"You have to make her change her mind…"

"I CAN'T, GODDAMNIT! I JUST CAN'T!"

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Michelle, who had barely heard her husband's yells, was trying to make a sandwich. Cucumber or lettuce? That is the question…

"If you don't, you'll regret it!"

"Why? What's so bad about this baby?"

"It's fucking down syndrome, that's what it is!" _Oops. Did I say that out loud?_

But, luckily for Sherry Lachance, Tony couldn't care less at this point. "Down syndrome, down syndrome… I know what Down syndrome is! But it can't be that bad!"

"Listen to me. Please, please, just listen to me. Mr. Almeida?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm listening."

"I don't have any children. I have never been pregnant. I don't think I'll ever fall pregnant. But I've worked around sick people for a long time. So I know what it's like living with a handicapped person. Only, in your case, it'll turn out a million times worse."

"And why is that?"

"Because, first of all, you'll be living with the kid 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Second of all, your supposedly wonderful wife will suffer too. And, third of all, it's your own flesh and blood. Doesn't that bother you at least a bit?"

"Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't. Why do you care so much anyway?"

"Because I know what it's like. I've seen so many sad things. I don't think people should live such suffering."

This was more than Tony could hear. "I have to go," he whispered hoarsely.

"But…"

He hung up before she could say anything else.

_Now what, Almeida? Now what?_

Tony looked up at the reflection in the bathroom mirror. He looked for an answer. But none came. All he saw was a tired, sad looking man. Not at all what he was looking for.

When he finally came out, Michelle was standing in front of the door with two sandwiches on plates, looking dazed.

"I made sandwiches," she said distractedly. "There's cucumber and ham or tomato and ketchup…"

Tony looked at her, gaping.

"Yeah, not really a five course meal but that's the best I could do. I'm not a professional chef, y'know?"

"I… Yes. Thank you." Tony made an attempt on trying to take a plate but Michelle suddenly pulled away.

"Actually, that has to be the worse meal I've ever seen. You know what? Huey! HUEY!"

Huey the cat came strolling at the sound of his name.

"Here, Huey. Sandwiches for you." Michelle put the two plates on the floor and Huey hurriedly pounced on his new meal, before his masters could take it away from him.

Michelle smiled goofily. "Sorry."

Tony smiled back. "Don't be."

And then they both collapsed to the floor, sobbing into each other arms, Huey still licking the ketchup off the plate.

* * *

**Answers without questions**

Days turned into a weeks. Weeks turned into months. The clock was ticking. And still, they didn't talk about the baby. It was as if he didn't exist. Michelle still believed that if they ignored the situation, everything might turn out fine.

Except. Except that one night where she had to run into the bathroom so she could throw up.

And it was then that she realized that everything would not turn out fine. She was pregnant. Oh, yes, pregnant. But not _just_ pregnant, she was pregnant with a dysfunctional baby (by then, she was tired of ignoring the words her conscience was throwing at her: yes, the baby was dysfunctional; yes, the baby was handicapped; yes, the baby had problems). Somehow, she felt nostalgic for the old days back at CTU where she and Tony could secretly make out it in a corner or even for that horrible day when they had come close to losing each other again. Things seemed relatively easy at that time. But that was then. This was now.

It was also then that she took a decision. At two in the morning, leaning against the toilet bowl, looking at the white bathroom walls, Michelle Dessler finally took a decision. Because, for the umpteenth time in her life, she was running out of time.

* * *

**Obscurity**

It was easy pretending to be sick. It was a bit harder convincing Tony to go to work without her.

"You're coming down with something, aren't you?" Worried, Tony touched Michelle's forehead. Michelle usually was an early riser. And, for the first time in months, she was slouching in bed. There obviously had to be a problem.

"No, I'm okay. I'm just tired."

"Do you want me to stay with you? I can call Rick or…"

"No!"

"No?"

"No. I mean, I appreciate it but I just need some time to set things straight and to rest a bit, okay?"

"I really don't mind staying with…"

"Tony." Michelle's voice was soft but stern. "I'm not going to break. I just need some time alone."

Finally, Tony gave in. "Alright. But call me anytime, okay?"

"I will, I will."

Fifteen minutes later, Tony was on his way to work and Michelle was on her way to down town.

* * *

**Familiar stranger**

"And so these are our objectives…"

_I wonder what Michelle is doing right now…_

"… client's reaction…"

_Maybe she went for a walk…_

"… the double of the profit…"

_Or maybe she's suffering. Maybe she's dead!_

"… Tony will take care of this. Right, Tony?"

_Oh my god. I have to call her. I have to call her right away._

"Tony?"

Tony snapped to attention. "Yes! Yes, I'm here. Sorry."

"So are you or are you not?"

"Excuse me. What were we talking about?"

Rick sighed. "Tony, why don't you go breathe some fresh air or something and come back when you're ready to pay attention."

"Uh yeah. Sorry…"

Tony absentmindedly stepped outside the conference room. He looked at his watch.

_10:15… I have time for a little walk. Anyway, Rick said I could take my time._

He left the office. When he walked outside, he flinched at the sun. He hadn't realized it was that sunny. Then, he caught a glimpse of a bench a few steps away. He slowly walked towards it and sat down.

_Call her, call her,_ urged a little voice in his head.

'She's okay.'

_She needs you._

'She said she needed time alone.'

_She thought she needed time alone. But, right now, she needs you._

'Shut up.'

_Remember the time when you were watching The Piano on A&E? And then, in the middle of the movie, she stood up? And then you asked if she was okay?_

'Shut up.'

_And she said yes. But she wasn't. She had an ear infection. And it really hurt. But she didn't tell you. Doesn't that tell you something?_

'Shut up!'

_She ended up sick for days afterwards. All because of…_

Fortunately, a familiar voice woke him from his reverie. "Tony?"

Tony could not have been more surprised if George Mason or Ryan Chappelle had come back from the dead and greeted him. "Jen?"

"Oh my god, what a surprise! Hi! How are you?"

"I'm fine. Wow! It's been a long time, hasn't it?"

"Yeah…" As surprising as it seemed, Jen seemed actually pleasant and happy, not at all like the girl she had been when she and Tony were still together.

"So… What's going on with you?"

"I'm getting married."

"What? Really?"

"Yeah. With Aaron."

"Aaron? As in Aaron Walker?" Aaron Walker was an old "friend" of Tony's, from the bar.

"Yes."

"Wow! Well, congratulations!"

"Nah. Don't bother. We'll probably be divorced by the end of this year."

Good old pessimist Jen. At least she hadn't changed in that department.

"How about you, Tony? How are you?"

"I could be better," he admitted.

"How come? What's going on? Is it Michelle?"

"No, everything is alright with her. I mean, between us. But…"

"But…"

"She's pregnant."

"Hey, congratulations!"

"There's a catch."

"A big catch?"

"Very big. The baby is handicapped." Tony didn't want to use the term 'down syndrome'. It sounded so depressing. And, besides, Jen probably didn't even know what it meant.

"Oh. I'm sorry…"

"Don't be. It isn't your fault."

"Yeah, I know but still… And what are you guys going to do?"

"Well, it's obvious. We're going to get rid of it."

Jen arched an eyebrow. "And Michelle agrees?"

"Um, not really. I'm still in the stage of convincing her."

"Have you ever thought about keeping it?"

"No. Absolutely not."

"I mean, think about it a bit."

"If we decide to keep it, there's no going back."

"I know. Listen, Tony, I'm not a religious freak or an expert in these matters but I'm a woman. And I know where Michelle is coming from. She's holding the baby in her own stomach. It isn't easy for her to let it go."

Tony remained silent.

"The doctor probably told you that nobody would blame you for the choice you took. But that's not true. Your parents, unless they are totally against abortion, will not blame you. Your friends will not blame you. You will not blame yourself. But there is a person that will blame you. Every morning, Michelle will wake up and look in the mirror and say: 'What if we had kept the baby? Did we make a mistake?'. That is, unless she decides herself to get rid of it. In the end, it's up to her. That sounds pretty depressing, doesn't it?"

Tony nodded.

"It isn't about killing a living person because, let's face it, a fetus is not alive. It's about killing what could have become a living person. It's about killing the future."

"I don't know what to think anymore."

"Do what your heart tells you."

"My mind tells me to get rid of the baby as soon as possible, my conscience tells me to at least consider keeping it and my heart tells me to do whatever Michelle wants me to do."

"Ish. Tough break." Jen, who had been standing the whole time, finally sat down next to Tony. "Do you mind?"

"Of course not."

She sighed. "It's a hard world out there, isn't it?"

"Yeah. It's as if life was trying to test me. What else could explain it? I have to deal with one thing after the other…"

"But not everything that has happened to you was bad, no?"

"I guess you're right."

"I know I'm right. Sure, you hit rock bottom after jail and all. But you got Michelle back. And that's the only thing you've ever wanted."

"Yes." That was one thing he was sure of. Losing Michelle once was more than enough for him. He would not let her go so easily. "Listen Jen… I never really apologized."

Jen smiled sadly. "I'm just glad I was there for you. Do you know you're a good man, Tony?"

"I suppose I'm an okay person."

"Pff… Okay person? Tony, you're probably the best thing that happened to me."

Tony was taken aback. "I don't think so…"

"Yes. You are. It doesn't mean I'm angry at you for dumping me. You never were mine anyway. But I've changed because of you. I found out that there were good things and good people and life is not always shit. Life is full of surprises."

Tony rolled his eyes. "You got that one right."

"Listen, I have to go. It was nice seeing you. I hope everything turns out alright for you…"

"Yeah. You too."

"And, Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"Live your life. Never look back. Because, once it's done, it's done."

"Where did you get that from?"

Jen sighed, dejected. "My English teacher from eighth grade."

Tony laughed.

"I can't get credit for much, can I? Not that I'm good at much, anyway…"

"Don't say that…"

"It's true. Name me one thing I'm good at."

"You're good at making people laugh. You're good at judging people right. You're good at helping people who no one else wants to help. You're good at being yourself, Jen."

"Thanks. You're a sweetheart." Jen leaned down and pecked Tony on the cheek.

"Good-bye Jen."

"Yeah. See you soon."

Finally, she left, leaving Tony alone with his thoughts.

'Now what?'

_Look at your watch, Tony…_

'What? Why?'

_Look at your watch, Tony…_

'Okay… It's 11:45… OH NO!'

_Told you so…_

'Damn it!'

Tony stood up at once and ran back into the conference room. It was empty except for Rick, who was putting his stuff away. He didn't even look up. "Nice to see you're back, Tony."

"I'm so, so, so sorry! I was walking and then I met an old friend and I didn't even look at the time…"

"Save it."

"Am I fired?"

Rick finally looked up. "Of course not. It was your first and only time, RIGHT?"

"Yes. Absolutely. I just have a lot of things on my mind these days."

"I know it's hard for you to concentrate with all that's going on but I need to know if you can focus. If you can't, I'll have to find someone else. We're through a rough period with the company and we need all the staff we can get."

"I understand. Don't worry. It won't happen again."

"Good. Now, I need you to do this…"

* * *

**Finality**

Hospitals and clinics, Michelle decided, were not nice places. Everything was white. The patients were rude and impatient. It was boring. And, face it, being in a hospital usually meant something was wrong with you… or your baby.

Right now, the lady in front of her was glaring at her, for an unknown reason. And Michelle was getting genuinely uncomfortable.

"Michelle Dessler," called the secretary, after what had seemed like way too much time.

Michelle stood up. "That's me."

"Please step into the consultation room."

Michelle gladly obliged but wished for the tenth time that Tony would be her with her.

_It's your fault. You were the one who wanted to hide this from him._

A doctor was waiting for her inside. "Good morning, Ms. Dessler."

Michelle couldn't help but notice that he looked very much like Tom Hanks. Not that that was important, anyway… "Good morning, Dr…"

"Thomas. Please sit down. Did you eat anything?"

_The doctor offered them some cookies. "Did you have some breakfast?"_

_Tony's face was serious as he nodded towards Michelle. "She was my breakfast."_

"Um, no. I haven't eaten for 12 hours." _And I'm freaking hungry but I guess it doesn't really matter._

"Okay, that's good. And how did you come here?"

"I took a cab. I suppose I'll have to take one on the way back too…"

"By all means. You won't be in any condition to drive or walk a long distance. Anyway, I spoke with your doctor. Tanya Martin?"

"Yes."

"You do know you are four months, almost five, into the pregnancy."

"I know. It took a long time for me to make the right decision. Hopefully, I'm not too late…"

"You're just in time. A few weeks more and it would have been too late."

Michelle hadn't realized how much of a close call this was. "Wow. Well, I'm glad I came then."

"So am I. I don't think anyone deserves to live with such a burden…"

_A burden…_

"… but I am a doctor. I live by science, not religion."

"I've never been very religious myself." _Remember the sleepless nights you spent praying for the baby, Michelle? Don't you want to tell him about that?_

"Yes, it all depends with each person. Now, are you sure about this?"

"Yes."

"And, your husband…"

Even though it was only necessary for the mother to sign the papers, Michelle didn't want to make Tony seem like a bad husband. "He agrees," she lied. "He's working right now so he said I could go alone." This was half-true since Tony was indeed at a conference at the same moment but he had no idea where his wife was… nor did he know what she was about to do.

The Tom Hanks look-alike sighed. "You know… He really should be here with you."

Michelle's heart stopped at that. Tony was always there for her and, if he knew what she was doing right now, he would arrive in a heartbeat. But, somehow, she couldn't bring herself to tell him… at least not yet. "I know." She quickly changed the subject. "So… Do I have any documents to sign?"

"Yes." The doctor handed her a stack of paper. "Right here."

Michelle only hesitated for a second before signing but, in her head, it seemed like eons. She put down the pen. "I'd like to get it over with if you don't mind."

"Of course. Please follow me." The doctor stood up and led Michelle to a small room.

_Don't do this._

'I have to.'

_It's not too late. You can stop right now!_

'I don't have a choice.'

_Of course you do! This isn't the only option._

'It's the only thing I can do!'

_There's no going back, Michelle. Think of it… You and Tony and William playing outside…_

'William would have been handicapped! He would not have been able to play outside! He would not have been normal!'

_You're a cold-hearted bitch, Michelle. How could you do this? And what is Tony going to say?_

"Lie down here."

"Will it hurt?" asked Michelle suddenly.

"Not at all."

"I mean, for the f… the baby."

'Tom Hanks II' looked at her, silently. Finally, he said, "I don't think so…"

_He doesn't think so? There, Michelle, you've got your answer._

"I believe it does nothing to the fetus. A fetus does not feel anything. But you consider it a baby. So I can't really vouch for that."

Realization suddenly grasped her. "I can't do this."

"What? No, Ms. Dessler, it's okay…"

"It's not okay! By the way, my husband doesn't agree. He doesn't even know I'm here."

"Ms. Dessler, please think about it. It's normal to have doubts at first. But don't just leave like this."

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Because, once the deadline comes, you can't go back on your decision."

"But…"

"When Dr. Martin came to me with your case, I was reluctant to take over. I thought a woman who had waited so long didn't deserve this chance. But I met you today. And I know what you're going through. I'm on your side, Michelle… That's a nice name by the way."

Michelle barely smiled. "Thanks."

"But, back to the subject, if you want to keep the baby, fine. I'm not going to tell you what you're going to have to face because I'm sure many people have told you about it already. But if you want to do this, it's now."

_He's right. Do it. Do it now._ "Alright. I'm sorry I freaked out like this."

"Freaked out? I wouldn't call that freak out. I've seen women take out their bibles at the last minute and refuse to be touched by anyone."

Michelle laughed. "Well, to each his own."

"So, what's your final decision?"

_Go on, Michelle. It's the only thing to do._ "I don't have much of a choice. I have to do this."

"Okay. I'm glad you chose that."

She smiled. "Yeah, so am I, I guess…"

"Now, I just have to put you to sleep and, in a few hours, it'll all be over. Ready?

Michelle braced herself. "Ready."

* * *

**Piggies**

It was there, in the store window. So adorable, so cuddly, so… pink. Yeah, Michelle wasn't particularly fond of pink but who could resist such a lovable stuffed-animal? Certainly not Michelle. Also, it was a pig. Michelle, for an unfathomable reason, loved pigs. Tony obviously had to buy it.

So he did. He strolled into the store, bought the pig and walked out with the big, pink stuffed-animal in his arms. People looked at him weird, little kids laughed at him and women oohed and aahed with amusement/jealousy (why didn't their husbands buy them such gifts?) but he didn't care. He was happy.

Work had finished far too late for Tony. He was dying to go home and tell Michelle that he loved her and that he would stand by her no matter what. Even if she decided to keep the baby. After all, they were _Tony_ and _Michelle_. If they could cope with a nuclear bomb, couldn't they cope with a handicapped baby? Plus, he had a pig for her too.

Of course, that was rubbish. CTU and Down syndrome had nothing to do. But Tony's judgment was clouded by his affection for Michelle. He loved her and that was all that was important for him.

On his way back home, Tony drove at eighty miles an hour and almost ran over an old lady and her pug. After that though, he slowed down a little.

To his surprise, when he arrived home, he saw Michelle outside. Something wasn't right, though. He saw her give money to a cabbie and walk slowly towards the house. And was she… crying? Something definitely was wrong.

Tony got out of the car immediately. "Michelle?"

She barely registered the sound of his voice. "I'm sorry, Tony…"

"What the hell is going on?"

"I had to do this. I wanted to tell you, I really did…"

"What happened? Are you okay?"

"I shouldn't have. But, now it's too late, you know?" At those words, Michelle almost fell but Tony was there to catch her.

"Sweetheart, it's okay. I'm here."

Michelle didn't respond. She only closed her eyes and held on to Tony.

"And I've been thinking… About the baby? I realize I've been inconsiderate. If you want to keep him, Michelle, I promise I'll be there with you every step of the way."

She suddenly opened her eyes. "No…"

"No? No what?"

"Oh my god. No, it's too late."

"What? Why? What are you talking about?"

Michelle's voice was very low but Tony heard the words as well as if she had screamed them in his ear. And they hurt as much. "He's gone, Tony. I got rid of him. Wasn't that what you wanted?"

* * *

**Epilogue – part 1: A horse with no name**

When Tony was in kindergarten, they taught him how the separate the day in three different parts: morning, afternoon and night. Then, later on, he learnt about sunrise and sunset, dawn and dusk. What he never learnt, though – well, at least at school – was that little moment before the sun rises completely, when everyone (including his own wife) is asleep and the sky is white. It's empty and quiet but there's something about that screams happiness. And it doesn't have name. It's just a _it_ moment. A moment to think.

And, god knew Tony had a lot to think about. He still couldn't grasp yesterday's events well. It seemed too unreal. Yet everything was as real as the woman sleeping quietly in his bed at the very same moment. So many things had happened… and so little had been done.

Tony closed his eyes, remembering clearly every detail of the previous day.

"_He's gone, Tony. I got rid of him. Wasn't that what you wanted?"_

"_YOU WHAT?"_

_Michelle whimpered. "Don't scream, Tony. My head hurts."_

"_DON'T T… Okay, fine, I'm sorry," Tony said between his teeth._

"_No, you're not. I'm going in."_

_Michelle was acting very weird and drowsy. Whether it was the after-shock of what had just happened or the sleeping medicine that hadn't worn off completely yet, Tony didn't know. "What? Where are you going? I'm not finished yet."_

_Michelle slipped the key inside the lock. She didn't look up. "I'm too tired to talk about this right now."_

"_Michelle…"_

_Tony grabbed her hand but apparently too hard because she screamed out. "Ouch! Let me go!"_

_Tony didn't let go. "I said, I wasn't done yet."_

"_I don't want to talk to you!"_

"_Well, I don't care if you want to talk to me or not because you are going to listen to me, no matter what. No, I don't want to hear anything!"_

_Michelle shut her mouth._

"_Are you listening to me now? Yeah? Good. I appreciate you taking this big decision for me. But this wasn't just your choice! And do you know how worried I've been all day? You could have told me! You could have…" Tony's voice trailed off. He could see Michelle wasn't really listening. Her eyes were wandering around, from Tony to the car, from the car to the house… "Michelle."_

_Michelle snapped to attention "Are you finished? Yes? Good. Now, it's my turn. I'm tired. I just got a baby sucked out of my body. I'm still groggy. I don't feel good. So save the shit for later, will ya?" She grabbed the handle and opened the door. Then, she added, "Oh yeah. For the record, I clearly remember you saying you wanted nothing to do with this baby…"_

"_Michelle, that was two months ago…"_

"_You're two months too late."_

Tony cringed, remembering what had happened afterwards. Michelle had decided she needed a drink. Tony tried to stop her, telling her she was pregnant, but then remembered there wasn't any baby anymore. Finally, he joined her, needing a quick emotional relief, and, by ten, they were both drunk and rambling.

"_I'VE BEEN THROUGH THE DESERT ON A HORSE WITH NO NAME! IT FELT GOOD TO BE OUT OF THE RAIN!"_

"_Michelle, you are so out. That song is so old."_

_Michelle giggled, collapsing on the couch. "Who cares? Because… I. LOVE. YOU!"_

_Tony sat down next to her. "You're silly."_

"_And you're lovely. Uh, I mean lovable. Y'know?"_

"_Hmm…"_

_Michelle suddenly sat up. "Tony. I wanna…"_

"_You wanna?"_

"_I wanna throw up. But I can't get up. Can you help me?" She tried to get up but stumbled to the floor._

_Tony crawled off the couch and assisted her. "C'mon. Let's go."_

"_UGH," sighed Michelle, exaggeratedly as she wobbled through the hallway and into the bathroom._

_Tony looked away. "You gonna throw up soon? 'Cause I don't like to see you sick. It's not pretty. And it makes me sad."_

"_I lied. I don't really have to throw up."_

"_No?"_

"_No. What I meant was I wanna be with you, Tony. I wanna grow old and wrinkly with you and I wanna have your babies." Michelle quieted down. "Just not this baby… You dig?"_

"_Me too, Michelle. Lotsa babies. But I don't want a sick baby. I don't like sick people…"_

"_Me neither. But, you know what makes me sad?"_

"_What?"_

"_I won't be able to get up in the middle of the night to eat ice cream."_

_They both had a fit of giggles. Tony said, "Well, it's night right now. Wanna have some ice cream?" He tried to recall if they had some left in the freezer._

"_No, not really."_

"_Me neither."_

_Suddenly… "Tony, I'm gonna be s…" And, before Michelle could finish her sentence, her stomach heaved and she threw the meager contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl._

"_Are you okay?"_

"_I'm sorry, I…" She threw up again._

"_No, no, it's not your fault."_

"_Yeah, it is. It is." Michelle lied down against the bowl._

"_Hey," said Tony, wanting to change the subject. "Did you ever count the tiles on the bathroom floor?"_

"_No…"_

"_I did," he said proudly. "51 and a half."_

_Michelle looked up. "I did count the squiggly pattern thingies on the wall, though…"_

"_How many?"_

"_33."_

"_Hmm… Interesting."_

"_It is indeed. It was then that I…"_

"_That you?"_

"_That I decided about getting rid of William."_

"_Oh."_

"_Yeah."_

"_William? Was that the name you had chosen?"_

"_Yeah, do you like it?"_

"_Yeah," said Tony, smiling. "Yeah, I like it."_

"_Me too. Tony, I…" Once again, Michelle's sentence was interrupted by her throwing up._

"_Shh…" whispered Tony, while stroking her hair._

_And he didn't even look away that time._

Now that he thought about it, Tony could not believe he had been so stupid. He shouldn't have let Michelle drink. And, didn't he himself swear that he would never use alcohol as an emotional relief again? Now, his head was pounding and Michelle was still out cold under the covers. Great. Just great.

On the good side of things though, they had talked about the abortion – yes, drunk, but better then than never – and it seemed like everything was going to be fine between them. At least there was that.

_Yeah right,_ he thought. _As if a conversation between two drunks is going to make everything better._

But, in the end, it really was going to be alright. Because this _Tony_ and _Michelle_ we're talking about.

* * *

**Epilogue – part 2: Faded**

The first thing Michelle saw when she opened her eyes was a big pig. Of course, this surprised her – it wasn't like she woke up every morning with a farm animal in her bed. She rolled over and grabbed it. Right away, she smiled. This probably was a gift from Tony.

"Hey…" said a voice from behind her.

She turned around. "Hi. What is this all about?" she said, nodding towards the stuffed animal.

"I saw it in a store yesterday. I obviously had to get it for you."

Michelle smiled. "You're a sweetheart."

"Am I? I didn't act very nice yesterday…"

"It was my fault."

"No. It was no one's fault."

"But, I shouldn't have…"

"But you did. And it's over now. You're okay, I'm okay."

"That doesn't change the fact that…"

"Michelle," Tony interrupted. "It's over. Done."

Michelle did not speak.

"And…" Tony added, half-smiling. "We can always start again, y'know?"

At that moment, Michelle was sure this was it. The happy ending where prince charming takes the princess to Lala-Land. Only it was just Tony taking her… nowhere. But that was enough for her. It didn't matter to her that they had lost a chance at parenthood. It didn't matter that she had lied to him. It didn't matter that he had changed his mind too late. They had each other. And that was all she needed for her happy ending.

She laughed. "Yeah. I know."

* * *

The end? I think not. 


End file.
